HOSPITAL

Well, today I went to go see those wonderful hospital folk. The whole process was rather fine and dandy, and I got some stuff that'll make me sleep through the night (*wink wink*) You see, on Friday, I felt weird inside, and I figured I'd be sick over the weekend. No big deal because I had two days to recover, right?

Well, Saturday and Sunday I was warm, light headed, and coughing. Monday and Tuesday I practically coughed up my lungs, and it's rather annoying to the people who are actually trying to do stuff at work. I used a lot of cough drops that didn't really help. Yesterday I took a bottle of Aquafina FlavorSplash (I know, bottled water is a scam...) and I drank the whole thing throughout the day. I was taking this Tylenol Multi-Symptom stuff that sort of worked, but I still coughed.

This morning I was debating going in late or not going at all. It was really getting on my nerves. I decided I'd go to work and once I came home, I'd go to the hospital. After getting dressed, I decided to go to the hospital in the morning instead (and yes, there was some outside persuasion.)

Now, to be fair, it wasn't the emergency room. Frankly, it wasn't an emergency. I went to this sort of walk-in hospital type thing. Anyway, when I got there, I had to take a number and sit down. So I'm sitting there, reading The Odyssey (nothing like the classics) and I get called. I go over, register, and sit back down. I'm happily reading when, out of the corner of my eye, I notice someone in full orange come in. I thought, "Wow, he must be trying to make a statement!" I glanced over... and he was in handcuffs and there were two deputies with him. Lucky for me, I got called in just about then. I was thinking about asking him "
Whattaya in for?" but I figured that wasn't appropriate.

So I was in one of the rooms, and a nurse comes in, asks me questions, gets my pulse, listens to my lungs, and then declares that she thinks it's bronchitis. A few minutes later, doc comes in. He asks basically the same questions, and does basically the same tests... and he tells me I have acute bronchitis. He gives me a prescription for antibiotics and some high-speed chicken feed cough syrup. I drive out to Wal-Mart, hand 'em my prescription, and the lady says 20 minutes. I walk through the store, hacking like a chain smoker. Shampoo... *cough cough*... SoBe LifeWater... *cough cough*... Command hooks... *cough cough*...

I go back, get the prescription. The pharmacist wants to talk to me about them. She tells me I have to take two antibiotics today, and one each day through Sunday. *sigh* I hate pills. Then she tells me that this cough syrup has a narcotic in it, and it will make me sleepy, dizzy, and probably crazy (okay, I added that last one, but that's what she was getting at.) She suggests I take it in small doses when at home, maybe a little more before bed, but not before I go to work. On the way to the check out, I'm thinking, "Like hell I'm not going to take this before work. I've been hacking like an old man since Friday!" I made it through the rest of the day fine. I get home, it's been four hours since I took the initial dose of the cough syrup, so I take another dose. This one is slightly bigger because I'm at home. I lay down... turn on Fox News... watch the Republican Debate (another blog entirely) and amazingly, make it to the end. Then I fall asleep.

I woke up about just about an hour ago. One of my Royal Servants brought me McDonalds. That's another thing... all I'd eaten was Cheez-Its yesterday, and a banana and yogurt today (with the meds), so it's a good thing I ate a decent meal.

Now, the doctor also asked me if I had a fever. I haven't had a consistent fever, but I'll be fine, then I'll get really hot and start sweating, and then I'll get cold and start shivering. I know that is part of the process of the body fighting off the infection.

And my dear friend Ninjamommy wins today's prize... she and I were emailing, and she diagnosed me, over the Internet! But she, and a few other of my (mostly) female friends, insisted I go to the doctors or the hospital.

"Go to the hospital, Baron!"

"I'll think about it, maybe in a few days..."

"No, Baron, go today! Don't wait!!"

But anyway... I should be getting better. Although, according to Wikipedia, "Acute bronchitis usually lasts approximately 20 or 30 days." I don't want it to last 20 or 30 days!! So if you don't see me around a lot... I'm sleeping!

-Ze Baron